Thursday, May 08, 2008
I'm just tired now.
Eve.
Labels: holidays, hope, plan, random stuff, wish, worries
Friday, April 11, 2008
I have resorted to strange mind games to make myself study. (I have no clue how 'm going to get that deliciously sinful reward I've promised me.)
But I have been good for two hours so I now get a break! :D
10 minutes to blog and mess up a new to do list and check email, then back to mad revision.
I see Prof Smith tmr!
He totally rocks. When I look old enough to gain crone status (at the rate I'm maturing - maybe in 5 years) I wanna be just like him.
So now I need to learn how to perform in front of an audience, tell a story, and pick up a couple of magic tricks.
I already have the accents, wild hair, and broken glasses. :p
Mmm I guess I'll need his love of life and people too.
Got my work cut out for me.
Eve.
Labels: exam.period, life, love, random stuff, to think about, wish
Saturday, February 02, 2008
I'm having a birthday party on the 16th of Feb, 7pm. If you wanna come call or email me, preferably by the 9th, but a couple of days before will do.
I made a list of people to invite (but lost it) and then I discovered that a lot of the people I thought I'd invited had not really been asked. So. I have a terrifyingly thin grasp on reality. You are welcome, all, and I did NOT forget you on purpose! Got three deadlines that same week, and a couple due the week before. So please, just tell me. :)
It will be dinner at my home, and the food shall be mostly home cooked unless a lot more people than I anticipate turn up. In which case, you should have told me and will have to, sadly content yourself with whatever there is left, or pizza and sandwiches if my mother becomes frazzled and really does run out of food. The house can hold 70 to 90, accounting for the number of very thin girls I know, but you guys are not all free so we're cooking for 50 for now... that's why I'd like to be informed :)
I love you all. *muackz*
-----------------------------------------
Wishlist
[NO MORE JEWELRY please, unless you've got metal armbands engraved with a panther and dragon like I dream. I wear two necklaces already - I have ten too many when I never take off the two. You are special and I will appreciate your gift BUT there is no way I can wear it so :( we'd both be sad.]
- A nice spacious sturdy backpack that will not die for 5 or 6 years like that beloved slingbag munee got me when I was fifteen, and which sadly passed on last year. Said bag must be able to withstand the weight and edges of about 3 textbooks, various notebooks, my capoeira uniform/running shoes and shorts, and a towel.
- A sturdy shoebag like the SMUSA gave out for FTB 2007. :( Which broke because of Jill Poole's casebook. Also mourned.
- A set of light weights
- A set of those weights you wrap around your ankles
- A really gorgeous mostly plain calf-length deep purple cap-sleeved dress with a vee-neck. (or the name of a tailor who can make that - this has been my wish for years)
- Lessons in video editing and photoshop that I can redeem in the june holidays ^_^
- Lessons in portuguese, italian, spanish, gaelic, japanese, indonesian, or teaching english, that I can also redeem when it is convenient
- A set of really cool knives like they talk about in the books or a quarterstaff (see matrim cauthon - wheel of time)
- Swimming lessons with a teacher and in a place where I won't be miserably self conscious and embarassed. I know it's stupid. I like water, but I hate people looking at me even cursorily in a swimsuit and I'll be too scared to enjoy the sea until I can swim. So.
- Money, or funding for capoeira, is always going to be welcome. Lessons are getting a bit expensive so I'd appreciate a sponsor for a batizado or workshop.
- A cape! Like Batman.
- A couple of lessons in hair styling and simple makeup. I don't want to be nervous because of my lack of polish the next time I need to present. Or go to a wedding. Gone are the days when being clean and wearing a passable dress was sufficient to go without remark, sadly.
- For the poorer ones (this year is going to wear very thin on my pocket too): unlined notebooks, cool pens, a wide black or brown belt with a glittery/shiny buckle. cool junk in any form - I collect Things. A math book, or one in basic physics, because I'm beginning to crave a question to which there is a right answer. Or a book that was on the bestseller list this last year - I haven't even read Life of Pi, or the Curious Incident. Or a book. I like to read. :)
This list is hardly exhaustive. Just to get you off the track of shiny expensive stuff. :)
Eve.
Labels: advice, appearance, life, plan, tech, to think about, wish
Saturday, December 15, 2007
"His whole life had been like that, it seemed to him. Saying farewell, escaping, being forgotten; finding himself alone again, with empty hands and a frozen heart." [Herman Hesse : Narcissus and Goldmund]
Pretty sad. Again and again I wonder if that is going to be my fate - because friends do sometimes leave for no reason you can understand. And I won't have bloodkin anymore in a few years, unless I get lucky and meet Mr B, and he wants to convert, marry me and stay here. Funnily enough, I wouldn't mind trading my freedom for someone warm next to me at night.
But anyway, the loss of friends, of the ones I considered soulkin (I'm well aware that what I feel is not always the same) really hurts. Is hard to believe. My life is far from over - I'm somewhere between 25% and 50% through it (although I may of course die at any time by accident). So I can hope they come back.
And I have a ridiculously overactive imagination. The merest name dropped in proximity with that of a friend I lost, makes me perk up, start wondering - after all, a muse, love, master dropped into the life of a friend could be catalyst enough to make them receptive to old ones that they decided to push to the bottom of the pile, or the back of the shelf. (That's my theory on long lost friends - they're still there with you, you just don't seek or read them. Like a bookshelf. :p well. Like my bookshelves. ^_^)
I don't like losing people I love. I have a mommy complex. I like making sure everyone's ok and happy, seeing if I can do anything for them. And fyi, this is not detrimental to any desire I might have to help achieve any world goal. What's the point of helping the villagers advance through education, if the world they advance to is truly not one they'd be happier in? There's a reason why happiness is more common among the poor (surprisingly?). They have family, they have hope. Education now seems to leach hope from you. You'll get sick, according to the statistics. You're probably going to be abandoned by your kids - save up for old age on your own, old man. And again, your kids will be unhappy with the way you raised them - they'll be aware of the
few who did better, but they don't care about your best - they want THE best and you didn't give it to them. You'll have plentiful food - but the food is mostly likely to be horribly bad for you and it will probably make the last ten years of your life painful and riddled with disease.
So. I'll be smiley happy when I feel like it, (most of the time - I am woman! Rawrr. Fear my moods!) I'll make it a point to think of other people too - jeez, that's how you make it possible for other people to think of you. People gave up seats for me sometimes when I was little - I'm just passing it on. I'm probably a very bad person, but that's no reason for me not to try to be good.
And I'm never going to let myself forget. That other person, who cut the line, hit the dog, bombed himself - was a PERSON. Crazy, sick, mean. But those are character traits that even I exhibit sometimes - in milder forms, but still. Can't hate whole nations. Can't hate whole races.
Can't hate.
Hate's a poison that's easy to disguise. Revenge, justice. Torture. Hurt. Tough love - when taken to the extreme it can be an easy way for hate to disguise itself.
I wish no one could ever hate.
Then we'd have more peace in the world, and a world worth working for.
Eve.
Labels: article, fear, feelings, friend, goals, gripes, love, random stuff, wish
Friday, December 07, 2007
Got me ebooks today. The author was seriously nice, I had problems accessing it and he emailed with updates everyday to help figure out what was wrong.
Am really serious about hitting resolution no. 2.
pwning!
Eve.
Stage 1: UDT (T-minus - 5 weeks)
Target date: Sept 14, 2008
T-minus: 40 weeks + 2 days
Labels: capoeira, cool, crazy, fact, freedom, future, hawtness, nyehnyeeeh, plan, wish, worries
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Watched Hitman today.
Was kinda funny going to amkhub, alone. The corridor out was a small sad memory. I wish I had the selective amnesia a few people I know have. Well, my gramma had selective hearing and memory too. Maybe I'll develop it soon too.
Hitman was a pretty good show overall! The dialogue was...stilted and cliched. The emotional bits all were, in fact. But the shooting, the combat, the SWORD BATTLE! OMG.
I'd buy the dvd just for that.
The babe, Olga sth, she was pretty hot. But cliched too. 'Specially the naughty bits. Pretty much every stereotypical geekboy's wet dream. Probably the point, though.
The lesson I learn from all these movies is: I gotta become a warrior. Precious few are protected by the big strong heroes, and usually the lady's genetically blessed. Which I am not. And since being caught in crossfire or the aftermath of rapine and looting is so not my thing...
I must become a hero.
And I'll protect babies. Nyeh. No pretty boys, they'll just play with too many girls to keep my insatiable possessive addict nature appeased. Just the happy baby smiles and gurgling. Yes.
Toodles :)
Eve.
Labels: feelings, future, love, movies, opinion, wish, worries
Sunday, November 18, 2007
*Yes, it's exam period, yes, I'm running on way too little sleep, yes, I'm trying not to revise. Since I am continually surprised by the fact that people actually READ this :p The note here is to say this is probably crap and you may skip it entirely. :)*
I'm a bit slow. There are just a few lessons I hate learning. But I have to, or I'm just going to be silly again. I want to be a woman, not a girl.
The one I keep being taught, and hate most - don't trust men. Not that all men will lie to you and use you or break your heart. They just don't speak the same language. They can say exactly the same words and mean something so different... Don't trust them. Not that you don't talk to them or anything but I think I will have to keep something back. Wholehearted trust is just too stupid a concept anyway. The only ones who can get away with it are the children and the helpless, and I'm neither. And even they get betrayed too often.
Looks matter - I'll never be naturally beautiful. But while I know I should not trust men so much, I also like them. They feel nice, smell good, and are interesting to talk to simply because they are so different. And they go for the pretty ones like the obedient little bees they are. So yes, I reaffirm the pretty like a flower strat - smell sweet, feel soft, look bright. But I also need some spice. I'm not going to be just sweet forever. Haha from teh tarik to masala tea I guess. I've got to burn off all the excess fat, so I can wear tight stuff. Can't make the boobs grow, but I can grow my hair (don't know if that's feasible or not yet but I don't feel like chopping it short again yet). I think I need to go veg two days a week. That really helps, because meat I don't need so much - I just like its taste - not a good enough reason to eat it. Plus I can't cook it, raw meat...grosses me out. I'm going to be eating a lot more veg in the future....so why not start practising now? Haha I'm never going to be pretty but I can be a nicer alternative than I am right now. All the rejects that bounce over to me will be thankful for this. Even for the duration of the half hour conversation.
Yeah I'm a bit cynical. I'm plump, my hair never goes where I want it to go, I wear glasses and I haven't slept properly for a while so my skin ain't glowing much. (Got too used to arms around me.) To move myself out of this buddy-littlesis-reject status of mine, I'm going to have to lose the weight (tough for a comfort eater). Only the little bulge that hides my budding six pack, and my cheeks (once they drank some, I kept getting pinched! And my head rubbed. I don't mind head rubs but no more cheek pinching, they're going to disappear. By the end of next year. I'm gonna be 21, I'm tired of it!) are really the problem - the rest have their fans :p well, my butt, anyway. Some guys do like big butts. And I'm going to start sleeping again - I may keep falling off that horse but I like horsies so I'm getting right back on. And Ligeirinho is right, I need contacts, since I can't afford Lasik. I can't SEE. I nearly hit him I dunno how many times.
If I get hot *LOL* a lot of things will change. I remember when I used to think I could sing (someone has since showed me I can't, but people are trying to tell me otherwise again) - I'd just belt it out and be happy. Now I'll only sing coro, and only because I'd get in trouble if I didn't. I hear myself, when no one else can hear me, and it's ok. If anyone else is there, I cannot.
Same with dancing. I've got 6 left feet, not two. But I used to think I could dance okay. Then I met Luke and Piaba and since then I won't. It just looks stupid, gives people something to laugh at (objectively, I know that just because they're really good doesn't nec make my ability null but truth is I never realised I was so horrible until...haha.) Watching everyone dance was fun. I'm not going to dance unless the floor is so crowded no one can see me (never at birthday parties - the floor is never that crowded) but it's no loss. But IF I stop jiggling in funny places, maybe I won't look so bad. So that might change if I lost weight. :p
Yeah and my plan for the hair is to grow it and use whatever thingy people tell me to I guess. And I'll braid it. At least til Jan. That way I don't have to decide what to do with it for a couple more months. I actually want to chop it boy short, because I kept it shoulder length because of what a guy said. And I kept short cuz of what a guy said. Both guys are idiots, so I may have to start listening to what girls say but...most girls will not be totally honest. As in, they don't even think about it, it's an automatic, babe, it looks cool, it *the crazy mad scientist windblown look* suits you! Haha I guess I'm just not the nice looking type, though I look nice enough to be asked endlessly for directions *LOL* and change. Maybe I should stop giving random people bus money. But my dad gives me the money so I guess it's him giving random people bus money. He's a good man, is my da.
Anyway, if I'm not hot my next batizado - my name means sweet. No one is going to scold me for liking sweets. Not even mestre. :) Hey! This worked, I'm happy again. Bitching is fun. Yes. I'm hiiiiiigh. Always.
OK! Third and last lesson then I need to go for class.
There are no knights. I know that's an archaic term, but even now the concept exists. The boy will protect you, defend your honour, keep you safe, love you. *Cough cough* Noooooo...see, this doesn't happen. A pretty girl needs more than one boy to play knight, because there will be more than one evil villain male person looking to do stuff to her. If it's approx 50-50 world wide, the pretty girls take up a larger portion of men than is their fair share. Girls like me are secondary.If a guy happens to be free atm and feels like some gratitude he might try and help me out. But... I can't count on them.
I keep trying to get stronger. I really am not, though. Pathetic, but I was terrified when I realised that hard as I was punching him (it got serious about 5 minutes after the teasing started -_-" I need to get a grip) it didn't hurt at all. And I was stronger then. Lost some muscle lately. I guess I need something horrible to really happen to me before I can get into it...right now it seems a little paranoid to all out train for power. There's this idea that because I'm not pretty and I don't know how to flirt (it's another joke to see me try. And it just annoyed the guy. Great.) I won't be a target, which is stupid. If they were going to do it in a dark deserted place then they wouldn't have to see anything anyway. Grab, Rip, Stick it in, Repeat/Not. Run.
And this isn't a book, there are no heroes for a girl like me. I guess I have to keep trying. T minus 1 year? That should be doable...
Hope nothing happens in the next year.
Eve.
Labels: beauty, goals, opinion, to think about, wish, worries
Friday, November 09, 2007
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
--Einstein
And if I'd heard this earlier, I would be so much happier now.
But there is the rest of my life! And my natural inclination to procrastination. I will honor thy advice, O great one.
Eve
Labels: advice, exam.period, new thought, quotes, wish
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
The Science of Orgonomy
Google it.
Hmm I always wondered if there was sth that could be done with excess sexual tension. Since I never get any - and even when I do - I apparently am a very physical person - I crackle with static after I get hot awhile.
Probably sth to do with all the hair. Hmm that means all the special conditioners in the world aren't going to make it stop with the standing up thing.
Maybe I should invest in gel and go skinhead.
And in my lifetime, someone will invent one of those weird mind connecting helmets.
Then ya'll can share my dream with me.
You'll smell flowers you never dreamed of.
Eve.
Labels: appearance, beauty, future, opinion, sex, trivia, wish
Monday, October 29, 2007
I'm really in love with Bruce Lee now. He's so fast! So strong! So cute! And he makes such funny noises! If I had only one wish...I'd wish he was alive and mine :(
Eve.
Labels: wish