Thursday, May 08, 2008
I'm just tired now.
Eve.
Labels: holidays, hope, plan, random stuff, wish, worries
Friday, December 07, 2007
Got me ebooks today. The author was seriously nice, I had problems accessing it and he emailed with updates everyday to help figure out what was wrong.
Am really serious about hitting resolution no. 2.
pwning!
Eve.
Stage 1: UDT (T-minus - 5 weeks)
Target date: Sept 14, 2008
T-minus: 40 weeks + 2 days
Labels: capoeira, cool, crazy, fact, freedom, future, hawtness, nyehnyeeeh, plan, wish, worries
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Watched Hitman today.
Was kinda funny going to amkhub, alone. The corridor out was a small sad memory. I wish I had the selective amnesia a few people I know have. Well, my gramma had selective hearing and memory too. Maybe I'll develop it soon too.
Hitman was a pretty good show overall! The dialogue was...stilted and cliched. The emotional bits all were, in fact. But the shooting, the combat, the SWORD BATTLE! OMG.
I'd buy the dvd just for that.
The babe, Olga sth, she was pretty hot. But cliched too. 'Specially the naughty bits. Pretty much every stereotypical geekboy's wet dream. Probably the point, though.
The lesson I learn from all these movies is: I gotta become a warrior. Precious few are protected by the big strong heroes, and usually the lady's genetically blessed. Which I am not. And since being caught in crossfire or the aftermath of rapine and looting is so not my thing...
I must become a hero.
And I'll protect babies. Nyeh. No pretty boys, they'll just play with too many girls to keep my insatiable possessive addict nature appeased. Just the happy baby smiles and gurgling. Yes.
Toodles :)
Eve.
Labels: feelings, future, love, movies, opinion, wish, worries
Sunday, November 18, 2007
*Yes, it's exam period, yes, I'm running on way too little sleep, yes, I'm trying not to revise. Since I am continually surprised by the fact that people actually READ this :p The note here is to say this is probably crap and you may skip it entirely. :)*
I'm a bit slow. There are just a few lessons I hate learning. But I have to, or I'm just going to be silly again. I want to be a woman, not a girl.
The one I keep being taught, and hate most - don't trust men. Not that all men will lie to you and use you or break your heart. They just don't speak the same language. They can say exactly the same words and mean something so different... Don't trust them. Not that you don't talk to them or anything but I think I will have to keep something back. Wholehearted trust is just too stupid a concept anyway. The only ones who can get away with it are the children and the helpless, and I'm neither. And even they get betrayed too often.
Looks matter - I'll never be naturally beautiful. But while I know I should not trust men so much, I also like them. They feel nice, smell good, and are interesting to talk to simply because they are so different. And they go for the pretty ones like the obedient little bees they are. So yes, I reaffirm the pretty like a flower strat - smell sweet, feel soft, look bright. But I also need some spice. I'm not going to be just sweet forever. Haha from teh tarik to masala tea I guess. I've got to burn off all the excess fat, so I can wear tight stuff. Can't make the boobs grow, but I can grow my hair (don't know if that's feasible or not yet but I don't feel like chopping it short again yet). I think I need to go veg two days a week. That really helps, because meat I don't need so much - I just like its taste - not a good enough reason to eat it. Plus I can't cook it, raw meat...grosses me out. I'm going to be eating a lot more veg in the future....so why not start practising now? Haha I'm never going to be pretty but I can be a nicer alternative than I am right now. All the rejects that bounce over to me will be thankful for this. Even for the duration of the half hour conversation.
Yeah I'm a bit cynical. I'm plump, my hair never goes where I want it to go, I wear glasses and I haven't slept properly for a while so my skin ain't glowing much. (Got too used to arms around me.) To move myself out of this buddy-littlesis-reject status of mine, I'm going to have to lose the weight (tough for a comfort eater). Only the little bulge that hides my budding six pack, and my cheeks (once they drank some, I kept getting pinched! And my head rubbed. I don't mind head rubs but no more cheek pinching, they're going to disappear. By the end of next year. I'm gonna be 21, I'm tired of it!) are really the problem - the rest have their fans :p well, my butt, anyway. Some guys do like big butts. And I'm going to start sleeping again - I may keep falling off that horse but I like horsies so I'm getting right back on. And Ligeirinho is right, I need contacts, since I can't afford Lasik. I can't SEE. I nearly hit him I dunno how many times.
If I get hot *LOL* a lot of things will change. I remember when I used to think I could sing (someone has since showed me I can't, but people are trying to tell me otherwise again) - I'd just belt it out and be happy. Now I'll only sing coro, and only because I'd get in trouble if I didn't. I hear myself, when no one else can hear me, and it's ok. If anyone else is there, I cannot.
Same with dancing. I've got 6 left feet, not two. But I used to think I could dance okay. Then I met Luke and Piaba and since then I won't. It just looks stupid, gives people something to laugh at (objectively, I know that just because they're really good doesn't nec make my ability null but truth is I never realised I was so horrible until...haha.) Watching everyone dance was fun. I'm not going to dance unless the floor is so crowded no one can see me (never at birthday parties - the floor is never that crowded) but it's no loss. But IF I stop jiggling in funny places, maybe I won't look so bad. So that might change if I lost weight. :p
Yeah and my plan for the hair is to grow it and use whatever thingy people tell me to I guess. And I'll braid it. At least til Jan. That way I don't have to decide what to do with it for a couple more months. I actually want to chop it boy short, because I kept it shoulder length because of what a guy said. And I kept short cuz of what a guy said. Both guys are idiots, so I may have to start listening to what girls say but...most girls will not be totally honest. As in, they don't even think about it, it's an automatic, babe, it looks cool, it *the crazy mad scientist windblown look* suits you! Haha I guess I'm just not the nice looking type, though I look nice enough to be asked endlessly for directions *LOL* and change. Maybe I should stop giving random people bus money. But my dad gives me the money so I guess it's him giving random people bus money. He's a good man, is my da.
Anyway, if I'm not hot my next batizado - my name means sweet. No one is going to scold me for liking sweets. Not even mestre. :) Hey! This worked, I'm happy again. Bitching is fun. Yes. I'm hiiiiiigh. Always.
OK! Third and last lesson then I need to go for class.
There are no knights. I know that's an archaic term, but even now the concept exists. The boy will protect you, defend your honour, keep you safe, love you. *Cough cough* Noooooo...see, this doesn't happen. A pretty girl needs more than one boy to play knight, because there will be more than one evil villain male person looking to do stuff to her. If it's approx 50-50 world wide, the pretty girls take up a larger portion of men than is their fair share. Girls like me are secondary.If a guy happens to be free atm and feels like some gratitude he might try and help me out. But... I can't count on them.
I keep trying to get stronger. I really am not, though. Pathetic, but I was terrified when I realised that hard as I was punching him (it got serious about 5 minutes after the teasing started -_-" I need to get a grip) it didn't hurt at all. And I was stronger then. Lost some muscle lately. I guess I need something horrible to really happen to me before I can get into it...right now it seems a little paranoid to all out train for power. There's this idea that because I'm not pretty and I don't know how to flirt (it's another joke to see me try. And it just annoyed the guy. Great.) I won't be a target, which is stupid. If they were going to do it in a dark deserted place then they wouldn't have to see anything anyway. Grab, Rip, Stick it in, Repeat/Not. Run.
And this isn't a book, there are no heroes for a girl like me. I guess I have to keep trying. T minus 1 year? That should be doable...
Hope nothing happens in the next year.
Eve.
Labels: beauty, goals, opinion, to think about, wish, worries
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2003/07/10/nadd.html
A new disease I may suffer from. Mildly. :p Hey, I think these diseases describe characteristics that make up your personality - moody, hyper, worrywart, poor concentration skills.
Btw George RR Martin RAWKS! And I'm flunking out of law school.
Eve.
Labels: article, cool, crazy, exam.period, random stuff, story, worries
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Going away
Lately, I've had dreams that've made me feel pretty bad.I've promised a few people that I wouldn't go away. For one of them, my little brother, I'm not sure how to keep that promise. I promised him that when he was born and I first held him. I don't know if he remembers but I do. I will have to leave to be true to myself and even now my parents are showing acrimony towards me. Me trying to help him has actually resulted in worsening the situation more than once. So maybe going away would be best for him in the long run.But there's another, more recent promise I'm being forced to break. I promised a friend I wouldn't go away, I wouldn't leave, ever. But we sort of had a fight recently - actually I'm not sure what happened. I'd like to still be there for the person but when what I need to do is give the person space, for an indefinite period of time, I have a small war going on inside me. That kind of promise is really not one I break, but I guess, maybe it doesn't have effect in this situation. I mean, if you want space you'll get it, but I'm not really leaving - you can find me easily whenever you want to, even if that's sometime far off. But I've had horrible dreams that I'm abandoning them when they need me. I'm hardly so necessary in real life, duh, I know. It' just that these dreams are weighing on me some.I guess I can't do anything other than fumble my way through this period of time...Eve.Labels: worries