Saturday, November 24, 2007
I have been studying - not as hard as I should but I've been studying.
:P I leave the computer behind. That's the only way I get anything done. And my back hurts not so much now.
But I'm sick *sniff*
I believe that your prettiness comes from your perception of yourself. If you think you are not good enough to be seen, you hunch, stare at the ground, wear shapeless clothing of indeterminate colour, avoid the gazes of other people as far as possible - because they're being critical of you in their head, of course.....
So I try and stand up straight, look people in the eye, etc. The problem is, when I get sick, I don't feel so pretty, and so...I automatically try to hide. The painful sore at my mouth is relly not so noticeable. If the person is looking me straight in the eye and my eyes are as bright as usual, (because I feel whole, and right - Not Because Of The Glasses), then they're not going to notice the sore. It's the same colour as my mouth. :s
Only, if I feel ugly, they can't look me in the eye. I stare at their feet. So they have to stare at my cheek or mouth or whatever. And then...dun dun dunnnn. Like Gobi said. You are in control.
I'm standing up straight today. Not going to skip training. I'm hardly the most eye catching girl anyway - I'm sweet, not hot or pretty. :p If they meant it, then they won't be horrible about the thing that causes me pain when I smile.
Right. Off to class it is! No more hiding.
Eve.
Labels: beauty, fear, feelings, freedom, future, random stuff, sickness