Saturday, November 03, 2007
" The success of love is in the loving- it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done". Mother Teresa
A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future. -- Einstein
Well, it seems as if both are true. But love is destructive too.
I just finished reading the Dark tower series - except for book 6, which I cannot find...
Ka is a wheel. That's the whole essence of it. Things may be slightly different each cycle but fate always wins out.
What you fight for, what you kill for, what you refuse to die for may be just the fighting and killing and stubborn refusal to die.
In the end, is a man (or woman) who looks to the future, capable of being satisfied in the present? I always thought so. I go into the possible futures - and problems - probably because I suffer from some form of anxiety (yes, guys, I will cut down on coffee - really! Promise. cross my fingers and hope to die.)
But also because I really love my present. When I am happy, then I look forward so I can stay happy - only that seems to make other people unhappy, so maybe I should just stop.
When I'm unhappy in the present I don't look to futures at all. I make worlds in my head, I craft stories and movies that only I can enjoy - from their nature and from my inability to put them into a form anyone else can comprehend - and I go visit there whenever I can.
That's probably not healthy either.
There was a compulsory talk yesterday - Dr Nagulendran spoke to us all, about psychiatry and law. From his brief explanations I can say that I may suffer from more than a few mood disorders. And that I know one potential psychopath, at the very least (not me, this - apparently psychopaths suffer from a character defect such that their judgement is shot and they don't feel the way normal people do.) Hence the talk of nutcases.
Only thing is, there's always something you can find about yourself that is wrong according to some doctor or book or person somewhere. I decided to cut the coffee and work on my anxiety not because I think I may be unwell but because - I know I'm jittery. Loud sounds make me jump. I cannot keep a beat very long because my hand jerks.
So I'm cutting coffee. I didn't have a sip yesterday and I crashed at 10pm. Until this morning.
Not going cold turkey but I'm going back to the four cuppas a week plan. Very large cuppas. And I'll be substituting with tea and juice so I may get the same amout of caffeine...but anyway, its a start. :)
Eve.
Labels: new thought, plan, quotes