Sunday, September 23, 2007
Going away
Lately, I've had dreams that've made me feel pretty bad.I've promised a few people that I wouldn't go away. For one of them, my little brother, I'm not sure how to keep that promise. I promised him that when he was born and I first held him. I don't know if he remembers but I do. I will have to leave to be true to myself and even now my parents are showing acrimony towards me. Me trying to help him has actually resulted in worsening the situation more than once. So maybe going away would be best for him in the long run.But there's another, more recent promise I'm being forced to break. I promised a friend I wouldn't go away, I wouldn't leave, ever. But we sort of had a fight recently - actually I'm not sure what happened. I'd like to still be there for the person but when what I need to do is give the person space, for an indefinite period of time, I have a small war going on inside me. That kind of promise is really not one I break, but I guess, maybe it doesn't have effect in this situation. I mean, if you want space you'll get it, but I'm not really leaving - you can find me easily whenever you want to, even if that's sometime far off. But I've had horrible dreams that I'm abandoning them when they need me. I'm hardly so necessary in real life, duh, I know. It' just that these dreams are weighing on me some.I guess I can't do anything other than fumble my way through this period of time...Eve.Labels: worries