Sunday, November 02, 2008
I'm pretty easy to find online. Despite all the privacy screens available to me, I generally respond and share my information with whoever asks and seems nice.
Why? I wondered all day. Now I know.
I like guys. They are enjoyable to talk to and they always feel warm. And they don't make me feel bad just for being messy and bookish and a daydreamer. And they're funny.
But I can't find a guy attractive (I can see he's cute but feel no pull) if I don't find him interesting to talk to. And in general guys I find interesting become my friends. And I have a rule which I will not relax again. I am not going to ever go out wi
th a friend. I value my friends too much.
So if I am easy to find online, I can meet new people. (Given that I've exhausted my schools - so many bros already! I need that.)
And they find me. If I don't find them immediately boring I'll talk. And maybe I'll meet them.
If nothing else, I have a new friend.
Which I also need. My friends lately have been so busy, and their schedules clash so much with mine, I don't see them very much. Once you add in the S.O. factor, I get the feeling I'm going to feel awkward if I spend more than a few hours a day with people.
I sit by myself in class. I eat by myself most of the time. I feel awkward if I have lunch with classmates now - I never know what to say and my babble has not improved. I still get vastly annoyed.
At least it means they avoid lunches with me :p
There are a few people I'm comfy with and that's good. I can relax with them any time, even if I only see them once in a blu moon. But with most people, I panick and summon affability. I'm just really polite and as unobtrusive as I can make myself.
And I read so much now. Kevin Anderson's Saga of the Seven Suns is good! Check it out. Takes a long time though. And I make good friends with all the cleaning ladies and coffeeshop aunties and uncles. Because that's where I read now. The library's too cold.
The coffeeshop with the best 90cent mugs of teh tarik is closed for renovation now though and I am sad because I won't see the uncle for a long time, if ever. His stall is not coming back and he says he'll be in avenue 4 now.
He really made the best teh t. I don't know where I'll go to read now. And my favourite meal of wanton mee noodles, fried fish from the fried fish soup stall and yong tau fu veggie soup is a mere dream of last tuesday.
Benny was right. I am too late. All the males coming in are far too young for me. I can't even see them as guys - my brother is 18years old. :s ugh. So now I'm old too.
At least I'm really comfy by myself.
Eve.
Why? I wondered all day. Now I know.
I like guys. They are enjoyable to talk to and they always feel warm. And they don't make me feel bad just for being messy and bookish and a daydreamer. And they're funny.
But I can't find a guy attractive (I can see he's cute but feel no pull) if I don't find him interesting to talk to. And in general guys I find interesting become my friends. And I have a rule which I will not relax again. I am not going to ever go out wi
th a friend. I value my friends too much.So if I am easy to find online, I can meet new people. (Given that I've exhausted my schools - so many bros already! I need that.)
And they find me. If I don't find them immediately boring I'll talk. And maybe I'll meet them.
If nothing else, I have a new friend.
Which I also need. My friends lately have been so busy, and their schedules clash so much with mine, I don't see them very much. Once you add in the S.O. factor, I get the feeling I'm going to feel awkward if I spend more than a few hours a day with people.
I sit by myself in class. I eat by myself most of the time. I feel awkward if I have lunch with classmates now - I never know what to say and my babble has not improved. I still get vastly annoyed.
At least it means they avoid lunches with me :p
There are a few people I'm comfy with and that's good. I can relax with them any time, even if I only see them once in a blu moon. But with most people, I panick and summon affability. I'm just really polite and as unobtrusive as I can make myself.
And I read so much now. Kevin Anderson's Saga of the Seven Suns is good! Check it out. Takes a long time though. And I make good friends with all the cleaning ladies and coffeeshop aunties and uncles. Because that's where I read now. The library's too cold.
The coffeeshop with the best 90cent mugs of teh tarik is closed for renovation now though and I am sad because I won't see the uncle for a long time, if ever. His stall is not coming back and he says he'll be in avenue 4 now.
He really made the best teh t. I don't know where I'll go to read now. And my favourite meal of wanton mee noodles, fried fish from the fried fish soup stall and yong tau fu veggie soup is a mere dream of last tuesday.
Benny was right. I am too late. All the males coming in are far too young for me. I can't even see them as guys - my brother is 18years old. :s ugh. So now I'm old too.
At least I'm really comfy by myself.
Eve.