Friday, February 08, 2008
Sweeney Todd is BLOODY. And so devoid of hope - the was nothing in the bleak ending to suggest that they could have a happy ending, any of them. What did Joanna do? Live happily ever after? How could she, after living in that asylum, after seeing her father, a murderer? Knowing later that her father had killed her mother, that he had slaughtered customers who may been innocent of any evil, on the premise that everyone deserves to die? (Why not just kill his fool self?) That he had knowingly allowed that sick woman to feed these victims of his to others? (I feel my gorge rising - excuse me.)
I watched it on wed night, and that was the first time I wished I was watching the movie with someone other than me.
I ended up singing the mournful songs all the way home. Or the 4 lines I remembered, anyway. The melancholy is still with me.
I've had a billion violent moments. And I, in dreaming of being a woman strong in every way, do covet those blades of his - I think the only weapons I'd be good with are knives. Or maybe the quarterstaff.
I'm working on my fitness, but I really do like my sweets too much. My belly will never be defined - more like soft and comfy.
But I can actually do more now than I could a year ago. I am improving in fitness. I still can't walk on my hands but I'm working on it.
Now that I'm improving in that sense, the only thing I have to work on is my demeanor. I want to exude assurance. Not fullness of my self. :S I'm not all that great. But I do need to make people stop thinking I'm kiddy. I've got pretty girls who are much younger than me who think I'm younger than them...I'm not a child! (so there :p)
I was walking home after getting prata yesterday. Listening to my ipod. And a bunch of foreign workers - Indians - were at the crossing. I walked faster than them, and I played my music loud, but they were taking shortcut through my estate. They walked behind me all the way, until I turned in to my house. And I was scared.
My hand shook so much I couldn't close the gate properly and I did not dare look up. SO damn scared of catching the eye of perfectly ordinary human.
For no reason, too. I heard them call out something a couple of times through the blare, but they may have just been rowdy. Probably weren't addressing themselves to me at all.
I heard a story - unsubstantiated gossip - about a robbery. The robbers threatened the man - if he did anything against them, they knew not only where he lived (DUH) but what time his kids went to school, what time his wife came back home. They'd watched his house. And they'd pay him back.
And it's unsubstantiated. But I was still scared.
So that's why I'm working on my self assurance. I'm scared. And fear is what predators scent, ya?
I've often wished I had a set of knives. Because I could have ignored them if I'd been armed. I would have been able to walk with my head up, unhurried. And I would have been fine either way, only I'd have felt better about myself.
And I'm cutting my hair soon. I don't care if braids are pretty, it's a liability.
Eve.
Labels: crazy, fear