Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Dear Diary,
Why do we advertise the fact of our happiness? To share it with others?
We do. We write about it, talk about it, smile, walk lightly, add smileys to every typed bit of text...
We advertise our happiness.
So why do we do the same when we are sad, angry, disturbed...?
Surely we don't want to make everyone else sad too. :s
But maybe we want to be cajoled out of it. Coaxed, talked, convinced that there is better.
It's a bit childish...mostly because it would only work if other people were going to bother to talk you out of it.
How many people would care though?
Sigh it's not that you have to be friendless. You just have to feel alone. Difference, because you know your friend would listen and try to help. They all would because...they're your friends. They'll try and talk you because they're your friends. But I'd think I'd suffer awful guilt from making them waste time on me.
It's possible to talk yourself out of certain things.
A friend told me I was being hypocritical, and lying to myself. :s that I was going to get in trouble if I kept doing this to myself, if I remember rightly.
I don't think so.
I think I see things from a particular perspective. If I note there are thing lacking in my view, I try to change my view. Whether that means telling myself I couldn't have been loved in the first place, or that I can definitely finish my readings :p
sigh I just know I daren't rely on my sense of perception anymore. The last couple of weeks have shown me just how far off I am. I think everything's perfect, but it's at its absolute owrse. When I think things may be bad, they're going okay.
sigh
eve