Thursday, July 05, 2007
Well, I'm a failure.
I'm not trying again. Genes like mine should not be passed on to make another generation suffer anyway. Isn't that what I thought my mum should've done? Sterilised herself?
LOL. Maybe mass depression is the world's cure for overpopulation? If one in ten suffered from it then there would be a 5% drop in the world pop. ya? Only there seem to be a lot of happy people who would offset it.
Yeah. Well. Now I know I stink at that, I can go conserve my qi and try and do some good in the world. Spend every penny I've got on feeding orphans in Africa and let myself starve to death some place in the desert when I'm out of a job and no one'll toss me pennies...after all, I've got a decent safety net to blow, especially if I do it on staples.
So at least I know my date of death...unless they fix up Africa in about 5 years. Sanitise it and make it clean like Singapore, so "no one will be left behind". Hard to starve to death if you get fed from a soup kitchen.
After all, at least I'll go doing good. To the hungry babies and carrion crows. What else could I do? Hmm. I could not go to Africa. I could just keep working and saving money, and reading books, and dreaming the impossible. Just dreaming, of course. I can't do it. It's the impossible! Then I'd die in 50 or 60 years, of old age, alone, and have done nothing I could be proud of.
I remember reading about Death of the Endless. I like her. It would be nice to meet her. I guess I'm going with the five years.
I don't know what I was thinking. I'm messed up emotionally, I know. I had no business getting that poor boy into a relationship with me.
Bitch.
Eve.