Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I start lectures tomorrow. Kinda looking forward to it as it's been surprisingly lonely living alone...although the cluster party later (PGP has residences, of three blocks, with two clusters on each floor) should help me make a couple of friends. I haven't been feeling like eating, even. Which is sad. But good...I shouldn't get fat!
I guess things'll work out soon. Once I have classes and homework and project groups...and I'm supposed to go dancing tomorrow night with friends, too..
Haha and once I figure out what all my friends' timetables are and where they are staying! I miss my old phone...I can't just message people whenever I feel like it, I have so few numbers now.. and I tend to message just two people in particular..who I think are annoyed with me. But. What else is new?
Sigh I wish I knew who wanted me. I'd wrap myself up nicely and give me to them. I'm tired of feeling lonely and depressed and like bloody crying every bloody five minutes. There's a blasted golf ball lodged in my throat!
If this keeps up, I'm going to find a public place where I can park myself and see people! I won't leak a tear in public. Crying in my room is so not acceptable. At least, not for me.
But today has been eventful. I discovered I have laid the groundwork for liking three boys...a big step. Pretty much never liked more than one boy at a time before.
And I discovered SMU has set up a law degree, and are now taking applications.
I like NUS. I don't know why, it just seems to fit me. I know SMU might be an even better fit and I truly want to do law, but...I have friends here. Given that most of my friends (with the exception of a darling few, who I love right back) are not close enough to cry on (my new standard - I have way too many people I can talk to and lunch with, when I actually go to school) I treasure the few that are there even when I annoy them like hell, who I know are there. I've made some in NUS, who could be gems for me to cherish and admire my whole life. But jewels require careful polishing in their raw state, to realise their full potential. If I leave, will these treasures be lost to me for ever?
And also...there is no Capoeira in SMU. I know I need it...but I cannot pay the full $120 if I make the transfer, not just yet...My daddy is so not funding it with the higher fees for SMU too.. I think I need to beg help and advice from Silvano.
But hey. I haven't got it yet. Hurrah.
Boy, this is depressing. And I even SOUND manic-depressive...fitting.
Eve.